...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
