question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
