the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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