do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
