This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
