It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
