Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
