You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
