oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize