I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
