Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
