people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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