O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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