when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
