I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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