Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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