Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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