She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
