I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
