I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
