You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
