I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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