A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
