Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
