the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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