I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
