First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
