Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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