New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
