so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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