They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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