Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
