i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
