there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm both gender and math confused
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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