I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
