I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
