gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
