You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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