I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize