Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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