Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
