my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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