not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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