Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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