i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
