forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
