what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
