Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
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