Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
