Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize