This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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