My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
