The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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