I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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