Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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