My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
