New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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