He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
