i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
