I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
