Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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