if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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