I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
