I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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