I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
