FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
