I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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