and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So squirting runs in the family.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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