hell yes lets make some ravioli
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
