He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
