I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
