her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
