If that was your dad, he is hot
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
