Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You have to summon your inner elephant
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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