I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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