im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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