two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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