I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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