i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
