I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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