I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
