Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
