life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
