My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
