Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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