i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
