Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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