the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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