He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
