I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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