physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
