what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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