Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Randomize
