That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize