life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
