whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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