His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
