Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
