Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
