Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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