you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
