I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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