I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
