well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
