i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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