so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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