sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
