Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
