shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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