I cannot find my penis.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Houston, we have a squirter
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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