I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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