He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
