ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
